More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
