Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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