i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
