the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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