Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
