But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
