Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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