Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
