Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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