Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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