party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
