I want to walk on stilts...naked
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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