my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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