my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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