In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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