tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you would pick up someone in the library
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
