I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
