Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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