i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
