I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
