Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
