if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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