Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize