I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
