and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
