I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
