meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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