Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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