R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
