Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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