It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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