I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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