I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
