My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
