just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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