im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
