Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
