Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
