Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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