I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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