and next time when you feel me up, do it right
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
