you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
