On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let's get the cat blown out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
