Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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