1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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