My friends, they love my intelligence
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
