I'm fucking your sister right now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today