How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks