do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
