the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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