Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
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You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.