My hand turned me down
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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