I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.