Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
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He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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