The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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