As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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