He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
