Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
