make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
