If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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