dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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