How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
