watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
