last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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