remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think my moral compass just broke
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
