You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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