i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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