i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are we still banned from the library?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
