I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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