so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
